


All That Started, Too Must End

by asterlark



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, but it ends ok, general sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:05:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8866948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asterlark/pseuds/asterlark
Summary: “Your father and I are getting a divorce,” Suzanne Bittle says through the phone, clear and strong, her voice only wavering the slightest amount. No one else would be able to catch it; Bitty does.“Oh,” he says.





	

“Your father and I are getting a divorce,” Suzanne Bittle says through the phone, clear and strong, her voice only wavering the slightest amount. No one else would be able to catch it; Bitty does.

“Oh,” he says.

He doesn’t know what else to say. He sits on his bed. His knees feel weak, as does the rest of him. It feels like he’s just worked out for an hour and his entire body is vibrating with soreness, muscles screaming at him to rest.

He stares straight ahead at his desk. It’s a fixed point and will not change; it was here before he moved in and it’ll be here after. It’s not his desk. Just a piece of furniture he’ll use and move on from, eventually.

Bitty’s mom breathes. “Say something, Dicky.”

“What about the house?” he says suddenly. He didn’t even know that was the most pressing question to him until he said it, and now it feels like he’s going to explode no matter the answer.

It’s quiet for a long moment. “I got offered a job in the library a town over, and I’m gonna take it.”

Bitty cannot breathe. “Mama, it’s _your_ house.” 

“Baby, your dad has a good job, and he’s worked at that school for years now, I couldn’t make him leave even if I wanted to. And Madison is just too small, you know how everyone gossips.” She sounds tired but resolved. She’s thought of everything.

He has no idea how to explain this to her. It’s her _house_. It’s _theirs_ , his and hers. When has his father ever contributed anything to the homeyness of that house besides an armchair to sit in front of the TV? When has he ever redone the bathroom or painted the kitchen yellow or found art to hang on the walls? For that matter, when has he ever used the damn oven? His mother made that house what it is, and now it’s not hers anymore. He feels sick.

“But it– the _kitchen_ , mama–”

She sighs, quick and sharp. “I know, honey. It’s your childhood, right there, and I get it, but. I have to do this for me, alright? And your father and I are really gonna be better off this way, I swear it, sweetie.”

Bitty doesn’t know how he’s ever going to reconcile the idea of his father being the only one to live in his home, of it being his. Of his mom having a new house and a new life, a new kitchen and new friends. Of his parents, married since they were his age, no longer being together.

“Why are you telling me this now? Shouldn’t it wait 'till I see you next?” he says, swallowing hard. His throat has that pre-tears sensation to it, and he wants to stave off crying as long as possible.

“You know I can’t keep anything from you, honey, I didn’t wanna lie by omission until Christmas. That’s not fair to you, you deserve to know what’s going on in our lives.” 

He feels guilt settle heavily in his gut. Lies and lies and lies. Just because his friends know doesn’t make this part any easier.

“Okay,” he says dumbly.

His mom sighs again, more shakily this time. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. This has been a long time coming, but that doesn’t make it any easier. We’re just… not twenty years old anymore, y’know?”

Bitty is twenty and in love and no, he doesn’t know, but now he’s scared. He thinks of Jack and wants to cry.

“Yeah, I understand,” is all he says, even though he doesn’t at all.

They hang up after exchanging I-love-you’s and promises to call tomorrow, and Bitty puts his face in his pillow and cries longer and harder than he has in a long, long time.

—

Bitty’s voice is low and scratchy from tears when Jack calls, but he tries to be cheery anyway.

“Hey honey! How was your day?” he says, all fake enthusiasm, and feels a stabbing pang of guilt at the thought that he’s too much of a wreck to even be a good boyfriend right now.

“It was good, kinda boring since I was off today,” Jack says, then softer, “Are you alright, Bits?”

And, _oh_ , Bitty needed to be asked that so badly.

His face crumples and he starts crying again. His throat is screaming at him to stop already and his face is probably all sad and puffy, but he’s crying, and he can’t stop.

“Oh, Bits, oh no– What happened, what’s wrong?” Jack’s voice is dripping with concern and hurt and it _aches_ in Bitty’s chest, sadness rattling around in there like a bad cough. He knows he should wipe his tears and sit up straight, be strong and happy, push the bad stuff aside– but just this once, he can’t. There is no pretending that this is okay.

“My parents–” he takes in a heaving breath. Lord, he can’t do this. “My parents are splitting up. Mama just called.”

It’s silent for a moment, then Jack sighs heavily. “Bits… I’m so sorry, that’s terrible.”

“It’s just. They were together for so long, and I thought they always would be? And if _they’re_ breaking up, I don’t…”

Bitty shakes his head. His throat hurts and he needs a long shower and a nap and for Jack to rub his back until he feels okay again. His heart feels shattered into a million pieces, and he’s so, so scared.

Jack, as usual, reads him like a damn book. 

“Hey… we’re gonna be fine, you know that, right?” His voice is cautious, gentle, but Bitty just feels more guilty. Since when is he the one needing to be reassured? 

“I– I don’t, Jack. Not anymore.” He closes his eyes, resting a hand on them to try and soothe the throbbing. He’s so tired.

There’s another gap of silence, then Jack replies, quietly anxious, “So what are you saying?”

This, out of all things, makes Bitty angry. “I don’t know what I’m saying, Jack! I’m just– I’m upset, and everything is changing, and I’m _scared_.”

“I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, I just want you to know that I’m here for you, and I love you, and I don’t want you to make any decisions out of fear.”

Bitty huffs out a breath. “I’m not making any _decisions_ , sweetheart, I love you and it’s gonna be fine, I’m just… tired. It’s a lot to process.”

Jack sighs. “I… wish I could be there. I’m sorry, Bits.”

Bitty feels an overwhelming _done_ -ness wash over him. None of this is goddamn fair; he wants his parents to be together and he wants to be out and he wants his boyfriend to be here, to give him a hug that lasts at least twenty minutes and pet his hair until he feels a semblance of okay again. It’s not fair.

More than anything, though, he just wants to go home. And not this new, ugly, broken home– his old home, his childhood home. Back when everything was easy. He doesn’t know how to explain to Jack, whose parents are still very much in love, how it feels to have the foundation of your belief system shattered. He thought one thing about his family, one basic, underlying idea– that they loved each other, that they were happy– and it was untrue. He doesn’t know how to possibly explain the feeling of missing out on life, on everything, because he doesn’t live at home anymore. He doesn’t know how to tell Jack how stupidly complicated this is, how he aches for a time before, how he just desperately wishes this had never happened in the first place.

“No, I’m sorry,” is what he settles on saying. His face is sticky with tears starting to dry, and he wipes his face with his shirtsleeve. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, I’m just… this is just…”

He trails off, not knowing how to put his emotions into words, and Jack picks up the slack.

“Don’t apologize, you’re allowed to be stressed and sad,” Jack says morosely, “I just wish I could help somehow.”

Bitty shakes his head, even though Jack can’t see him. “You’re helping, I promise. I just– really need a hug right now.”

He laughs a little, remembering Jack’s romantic Pride and Prejudice-like trek to the Haus from a few months ago. “And don’t go getting any ideas about dropping your life and coming here to save the day, Mr. Darcy, I’m… I’ll be fine. I always am.”

Jack laughs a little, softly, but when he speaks his voice is all concern. “You don’t have to be, you know.”

Sometimes Bitty feels like he will never be fully understood, and this is one of those times.

“Yeah, I do,” he replies, quiet.

After they hang up, Bitty tries to wake that part of him that has a single clue of what to do next. His productive brain says, _Bake something, hang out with your friends, watch TV, gossip with Lardo_. His terribly sad brain says, _Sleep sleep sleep, give up give up give up_.

He compromises by not kidding himself that he can bake right now, but instead sending Lardo a text that says “ _SOS I’m in crisis take me to froyo_.” He’d thought she might’ve been downstairs or out with some of her art friends, but she’d definitely been in her room because she throws his door open wide with a loud bang a moment later.

“What’s the emergency?” She asks, out of breath with her beanie askew. Bitty almost laughs– had she literally ran here from five feet away?

“My parents are getting a divorce and Jack’s not here and I hate being in the closet from my family and the world and everything sucks,” he says in a rush of breath, and Lardo immediately crosses the room and pulls him into a tight hug.

“Dude,” she says into his shoulder, and he wraps his arms around her. She’s really warm, and he supposes it has to do with the giant wool sweater she’s wearing that’s definitely probably Shitty’s.

“Yeah,” he replies, simply.

“Dude, that’s the fucking _pits_ ,” she says, more forcefully, and he smiles a little. He can always depend on Lardo to affirm his bad times.

“It really is,” Bitty says, and when they break apart she pinches his nose and adjusts her beanie.

“Alright, so we’re gonna go stuff ourselves with froyo and you’re gonna get every chocolate topping and you’re gonna tell me all about this, okay?” 

She stares him down with a challenging look, one that says _I dare you to disagree with me on this_. He doesn’t need it, though, because that situation sounds completely ideal.

“Yes,” he agrees, nodding, “Yes, chocolate is definitely what I need right now.”

On the walk over to the froyo place, he sends Jack a text. 

_Hug quota filled by Lardo. We’re getting froyo now. Just wanted to let you know that I’m ok_

Jack, in usual fashion, texts back right away: _Tell her thanks from me. I love you_.

Bitty smiles a little, shows Lardo his phone. She grins and knocks his shoulder, which he knows means “ _you’re welcome_ ” and “ _no problem_ ” and “ _I fucking love both of you_ ” all at once.

It’s not okay, but it will be. Bitty is loved, and he has his people, and at the very least he’s grateful for that. He might have a broken home, but he also has this: Lardo laughing and teasing him, Jack texting him a funny picture of Tater, the promise of froyo and watching Chopped reruns with Holster later. He might not have what he wanted, but he has this.

And this is perfectly alright.

**Author's Note:**

> my parents, who i'd previously thought were pretty happy together all things considered, told me they were getting divorced about a year ago so this is pretty much just me projecting on bitty lol. there's a lot of complicated feelings that go into your parents separating as an adult and i wanted to explore that so i hope you like it. find me on tumblr (where this was originally posted) asterlark.tumblr.com & thanks for reading :) (btw disclaimer, i don't own any of these characters, the comic check please and all its characters/storylines belong to ngozi this is just an interpretation etc etc)
> 
> title from forever blue by kina grannis!


End file.
